We have so much thrown at us- so many struggles daily. But there are some seasons of our lives that seem so much worse than others. It's a difficult season for me because I am SO richly blessed and am absolutely loving where I am so much of the time, but this has also been one of the hardest seasons in my life in other areas that unfortunately I can't share (sorry!).
But the question I have to God in this season is this- "Really?"
That's the question I think we have for God for the majority our lives when things go wrong. "Really, you're really throwing this at me? What have I done to deserve this? Why are you not answering my prayers? Why is nothing getting better?"
These were my exact questions-some of many- and the Lord has finally answered some of them.
1. We are NEVER alone.
When bad things happen, it's my first instinct to think God has forgotten about me. He's forgotten to take my life plan into account and make things go exactly the way I want, He's forgotten that I'm strong on my own and this is messing with my strength, He's forgotten to answer my prayers when I want my situation to change.
But God never promised us that. He never promised us our lives would be easy, he actually promised they wouldn't (John 16:33).
But you are not praying to a wall when he doesn't answer your prayers, just because he doesn't say yes does not mean His heart is not breaking for you in your pain, just because he doesn't take you out of your pain right at the moment you desire does not mean he never will. He PROMISES to be with you (Joshua 1:5), and he PROMISES to take you out of that pain. He promises to listen to you- when you're mad at him, when you doubt him, when you think he isn't big enough for your problems (so guilty of that one) or when you finally admit you are not strong enough on your own to ever overcome the depth of the pain you're experiencing. He is begging you to run full speed into his loving arms in the times you feel most at war with life, or even most at war with him. You are never alone because there is no situation in your life that will ever lessen his abounding love for you
2. He gives and takes away
Another thought I've had a lot lately through this time of suffering is why he is letting this happen to me. If I ask a prayer and my heart is in the right place then why does nothing change? His answer to me has been this- "If your life was perfect, you wouldn't need me". I haven't really been fond of that answer because I'm like "Okay so...you let me suffer so I need you? That seems selfish of you to let me hurt just so I can return to you". But of course, like so many times- I'm wrong. God promises that he works for the GOOD of those who love him (Romans 8:28). I'm wrong because my limited, human sinful view of my situation tells me that God lets me suffer because he doesn't love me enough to rescue me from it. And Satan has no problem whispering into my ear and convincing me that God is not good, that I would be better off following my own path instead of waiting what could be a long time for the Lord to start healing my brokenness. THIS IS NOT TRUE! God does not take away from us because he enjoys seeing us hurt, he takes away to make us strong. Not one of us is perfect, so not one of us will ever be complete in our faith. James 1 tells us that our faith will be tested by all sorts of circumstance and that our perseverance through the hard times thrown at us will grow us in our faith and push us towards the Lord, enabling us to endure the hard times-not avoid them happening- but enduring them because we have a hope that the Lord WILL save us, and will come running to our rescue if we ask. Because as much as he says no and takes away and allows us trials, he gives and loves and blesses us abundantly (James 5:11).
3. In the mean time...
Though understanding WHY God allows so much suffering and pain to torment us is the hardest thing for me to come to terms with, what do in the mean time is not far off. When hard things come to me it's my immediate reaction to take things into my own hands and go running with them-frantically trying to figure out how I'm going to fix this pain and how I'm going to survive with it if I can't fix it. But God calls us to two things-patience and prayer.
Umm..seriously. The last thing I want to do when hard times hit hard is to talk to the God who is allowing all these things to happen to me and be patient (translated in my head to accepting) of my situation that is so wrong. But that's not what God's saying either.
When we are weak, God calls us to hit our knees. When we can't stand on our own for one more second he tells us to lean on him, to vent to him. When the world in all of its sin and sickness and pain and death beats us over and over again he holds out his arms and wants us to run into the safety of his embrace, where nothing will be able to hit us from the protection he freely and wholly gives to us. When we ask for healing, he says yes-every time. Just because it's not exactly the moment we ask or the way we conceive it in our mind does not deter the fact that he ALWAYS brings us healing when we come running to his open arms. And there is never anything on this earth we can say or do that would cause his arms to be crossed when we come to him-weak in all our hurt and shame and sorrow.
In the mean time, God doesn't expect us to be happy with our situation. But we are called to HOPE in him. To hope that this season of sorrow is only a season. And even though there are some things that seem like they will never get better- like living in constant fear or terminal illness or death, God PROMISES healing. 2 Corinthians 4:17 assures us that as our outer self is decaying, our inner self is being renewed and though we have momentary suffering, there is no comparison to the eternal glory we will receive.
We are to pray. To talk to God about our hurt, to ask him to help us get through each day with this pain, to pray that he pours into our emptiness with his whole love. And also to pray for others, because if you aren't going through this season now then it's coming. If you're in the season and wrestling with doubt and and grief then praying with others is effective. Because in addition to having God, he does not want you to be alone amongst your friends and family either.
As my extremely long post comes to an end I want to finish with a reminder- you are not alone, you are not forgotten and you are wholly and dearly loved. Our suffering is so hard. There is so much we won't ever understand, so much that seems too deep to drag ourselves out of, so much that causes us to want to curl up in our beds and never come back to reality. But it is only a season because of this- because there is a God bigger than what you're going through, a God who cannot wait to heal you, who loves you every time you turn away from him, who pursues you when you do not want to be pursued and who finds you right where you're at and desires you just as you are. Let him drag you out and heal you piece by piece, heartache by heartache, moment by moment. And take joy in the knowledge that for you, because of Christ's sacrifice, this will only be a season, and you will always have hope.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fodiu1SMB48&feature=relmfu
Hillsong United- Came to my Rescue
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9v5yjxoQ1M
Joy Williams- Hungry (Falling on My Knees)
