Summer Showers

    Summer thunder showers. One of my favorite memories from my old house. When I was younger, I would sit out on the front porch with my mom because she absolutely loved them. We used to swing back and forth on the chairs under the cover of the front porch reading or talking until the rain subsided.  But it's not what I think of when I think of summer. My mind goes straight to sunny days, to light coming through my windows much earlier in the morning than usual to wake me up, to sunsets spent outside. I usually can't stand the rain- it always messes with my schedule (and usually my hair), but when I take the time to watch the summer rain showers I can see them for what my mom saw them-beautiful.

     I don't know what it is about this summer, but it has been so hard on almost everyone I know. The list of people I'm praying for gets longer by the day. It breaks my heart to see everyone's sunny expectations of the first summer back from college being covered in rain. It's been a summer of change to say the least. I don't think it's gone how any of us expected, or hoped, that it would. 

    The rain for myself and the people around me has come in so many forms. Most have come in the form of breakups with guys, some in loss of jobs, some in confliction of family, some in loss of self. It's hard to be okay with living a life that we didn't plan out for ourselves. It's hard when we get to that point where we always thought we'd have it all together, and now that we're here realize nothing is as we thought. The part of my life that's been so different than expected this summer (among many parts...) is how I feel about my future. I've known almost exactly what I've wanted to do with my life since I was sixteen. Now nothing is certain. The Lord is pulling me in directions I never wanted or expected to be pulled, and it confuses me and sometimes sends me backwards. 

    I'm not sure what it is for you. What it is that isn't going as you want it to, what it is that is keeping you at a distance from being able to say you're at peace with where you are, what part of you is left still wanting answers. But we are never promised answers. We are promised peace. We are never promised that the trials God has set in our paths won't leave us in peaces, we are promised that He will put them back together in a way He has perfectly designed. Nothing we dream of our lives could measure to what he's dreamed for us. Think about your life if you had gotten everything you had ever wanted...

    After witnessing lost jobs, divorce, eating disorders, breakups, different college plans, and different life plans all I know is that everything is temporary and nothing is certain. We are not guaranteed anything. We are not guaranteed we'll be comfortable, safe, secure, financially stable, relationally stable, healthy, or whole by the world's standards. The only thing we are guaranteed, the only thing we are promised is this.

    We have something better waiting for us. Not just in the next life, but in THIS life. Because anything we are promised from Christ is better than what's promised from this world. I praise God now looking back for not giving me everything I'd ever asked for! If He had given me everything, I would be at the wrong college for me, I would be with the wrong guy, I would be proud (more than I already am), I would be completely and utterly unfulfilled. And those are just the few I could come up with off the top of my head. Our lives aren't going to go as we planned, we are not going to enjoy every season and situation we are in. But in every trial thrown at us, God is standing behind us begging us to fall into him, trying to remind us that we were never intended to go through this alone. He is the beauty in every thunderstorm we endure. He is the peace that we notice only when we take the time to get past the fact that the rain is making life difficult for us. We are hardened and struck down by every failed expectation, by every hardship we endure. But the great thing about trusting in Christ is that this is not where it ends. A life lived according to his purpose will never leave us wanting more, will never leave us as broken as we were without Him. And just because our life doesn't go according to our plan, or we can't find His purpose in our trial should not give us reason to believe that peace through all these times cannot be obtained through Him. He is the beauty in all of our summer showers! And I am so thankful He has promised to bring me through every trial and has not given me everything that I have wanted.

    

In Suffering

   I've been thinking of writing about suffering for a while, but haven't been able to bring myself to do it until now. Mostly because I had no idea how to deal with my own suffering, and until my heart was in the right place I didn't think I would be able to talk about it. After hearing a sermon tonight though, I understand why I am where I am and am ready to share.
   We have so much thrown at us- so many struggles daily. But there are some seasons of our lives that seem so much worse than others. It's a difficult season for me because I am SO richly blessed and am absolutely loving where I am so much of the time, but this has also been one of the hardest seasons in my life in other areas that unfortunately I can't share (sorry!).


   But the question I have to God in this season is this- "Really?"


   That's the question I think we have for God for the majority our lives when things go wrong. "Really, you're really throwing this at me? What have I done to deserve this? Why are you not answering my prayers? Why is nothing getting better?"
These were my exact questions-some of many- and the Lord has finally answered some of them.


1. We are NEVER alone.
   When bad things happen, it's my first instinct to think God has forgotten about me. He's forgotten to take my life plan into account and make things go exactly the way I want, He's forgotten that I'm strong on my own and this is messing with my strength, He's forgotten to answer my prayers when I want my situation to change.
But God never promised us that. He never promised us our lives would be easy, he actually promised they wouldn't (John 16:33). 
   But you are not praying to a wall when he doesn't answer your prayers, just because he doesn't say yes does not mean His heart is not breaking for you in your pain, just because he doesn't take you out of your pain right at the moment you desire does not mean he never will. He PROMISES to be with you (Joshua 1:5), and he PROMISES to take you out of that pain. He promises to listen to you- when you're mad at him, when you doubt him, when you think he isn't big enough for your problems (so guilty of that one) or when you finally admit you are not strong enough on your own to ever overcome the depth of the pain you're experiencing. He is begging you to run full speed into his loving arms in the times you feel most at war with life, or even most at war with him. You are never alone because there is no situation in your life that will ever lessen his abounding love for you


2. He gives and takes away
    Another thought I've had a lot lately through this time of suffering is why he is letting this happen to me. If I ask a prayer and my heart is in the right place then why does nothing change? His answer to me has been this- "If your life was perfect, you wouldn't need me". I haven't really been fond of that answer because I'm like "Okay so...you let me suffer so I need you? That seems selfish of you to let me hurt just so I can return to you". But of course, like so many times- I'm wrong. God promises that he works for the GOOD of those who love him (Romans 8:28). I'm wrong because my limited, human sinful view of my situation tells me that God lets me suffer because he doesn't love me enough to rescue me from it. And Satan has no problem whispering into my ear and convincing me that God is not good, that I would be better off following my own path instead of waiting what could be a long time for the Lord to start healing my brokenness. THIS IS NOT TRUE! God does not take away from us because he enjoys seeing us hurt, he takes away to make us strong. Not one of us is perfect, so not one of us will ever be complete in our faith. James 1 tells us that our faith will be tested by all sorts of circumstance and that our perseverance through the hard times thrown at us will grow us in our faith and push us towards the Lord, enabling us to endure the hard times-not avoid them happening- but enduring them because we have a hope that the Lord WILL save us, and will come running to our rescue if we ask. Because as much as he says no and takes away and allows us trials, he gives and loves and blesses us abundantly (James 5:11).


3. In the mean time...
   Though understanding WHY God allows so much suffering and pain to torment us is the hardest thing for me to come to terms with, what do in the mean time is not far off. When hard things come to me it's my immediate reaction to take things into my own hands and go running with them-frantically trying to figure out how I'm going to fix this pain and how I'm going to survive with it if I can't fix it. But God calls us to two things-patience and prayer.
Umm..seriously. The last thing I want to do when hard times hit hard is to talk to the God who is allowing all these things to happen to me and be patient (translated in my head to accepting) of my situation that is so wrong. But that's not what God's saying either.
    When we are weak, God calls us to hit our knees. When we can't stand on our own for one more second he tells us to lean on him, to vent to him. When the world in all of its sin and sickness and pain and death beats us over and over again he holds out his arms and wants us to run into the safety of his embrace, where nothing will be able to hit us from the protection he freely and wholly gives to us. When we ask for healing, he says yes-every time. Just because it's not exactly the moment we ask or the way we conceive it in our mind does not deter the fact that he ALWAYS brings us healing when we come running to his open arms. And there is never anything on this earth we can say or do that would cause his arms to be crossed when we come to him-weak in all our hurt and shame and sorrow.
   In the mean time, God doesn't expect us to be happy with our situation. But we are called to HOPE in him. To hope that this season of sorrow is only a season. And even though there are some things that seem like they will never get better- like living in constant fear or terminal illness or death, God PROMISES healing. 2 Corinthians 4:17 assures us that as our outer self is decaying, our inner self is being renewed and though we have momentary suffering, there is no comparison to the eternal glory we will receive. 
   We are to pray. To talk to God about our hurt, to ask him to help us get through each day with this pain, to pray that he pours into our emptiness with his whole love. And also to pray for others, because if you aren't going through this season now then it's coming. If you're in the season and wrestling with doubt and and grief then praying with others is effective. Because in addition to having God, he does not want you to be alone amongst your friends and family either.


   As my extremely long post comes to an end I want to finish with a reminder- you are not alone, you are not forgotten and you are wholly and dearly loved. Our suffering is so hard. There is so much we won't ever understand, so much that seems too deep to drag ourselves out of, so much that causes us to want to curl up in our beds and never come back to reality. But it is only a season because of this- because there is a God bigger than what you're going through, a God who cannot wait to heal you, who loves you every time you turn away from him, who pursues you when you do not want to be pursued and who finds you right where you're at and desires you just as you are. Let him drag you out and heal you piece by piece, heartache by heartache, moment by moment. And take joy in the knowledge that for you, because of Christ's sacrifice, this will only be a season, and you will always have hope.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fodiu1SMB48&feature=relmfu
Hillsong United- Came to my Rescue


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9v5yjxoQ1M
Joy Williams- Hungry (Falling on My Knees)

The Gift

"Glory to God in the highest
    and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests"
                                                                    Luke 2:14

This basically sums up Christmas as a whole. If by some chance amongst the presents and lights and wonderful food and Santa Claus Jesus' birth is remembered, atleast usually for me, I think about it and am thankful but then just accept it and continue thinking of all else there is to prepare for the big day. 


Being back in NoVa is a whole different adjustment for me. Now that I have my car again, my road rage has returned along with it (i'm getting better though!). I'm working again, and there are some people in the airport who just kill me sometimes; after a 4:30am wakeup call and then being on my feet for 8 hours it's easy for me to be testy. And being back home there are chores that I'm expected to do and that's another thing I can complain about! I'm very good at complaining...


So to fix my mindset, everytime I've caught myself complaining I go through every single thing in the day I'm thankful for. Yesterday, I had like twenty by the time I got to work at 5:30am. I thanked God that I woke up on time, thanked him that I had a car that worked, that I'd straightened my hair the night before so I had time to run contacts to my boyfriend's house that he'd forgotten at mine, that I had time and food to eat breakfast, that I had running water to brush my teeth, that I had a safe drive, that I got to work on time, that I got my Starbucks before my shift started, and I could go on and on. 


The point of this rambling is that a lot of times when we go through the things we're thankful for, we don't pass the standard "friends, family, God"- which are HUGE, but we've been blessed with SO much more. Northern Virginia holds the top 3 richest counties in the United States, and yet the fact that we are so incredibly privileged to have all that we do doesn't turn into humility in our hearts. Usually it's pride, greed, materialism, and for me and most of us it's all three! I'm sure I speak for most of us when I say I've spent many Christmases upset that I didn't get an iPhone or a new car exactly when I asked for it while I'm sitting in a pile of presents that my friends and family have all been gracious enough to give me.


The last part of the verse in Luke says "to men on whom his favor rests". How amazing is it that God came down to men (to all of us) in the first place. To us who forget daily how amazingly blessed we are not only to live in this extremely privileged society, but to have a Savior who was created by God himself in he most humbling entrance to the world by being born in a manger- surrounded by animals and his parents who were poor and virgins. The King of all the earth being brought to us in the most unfit way to suit the Son of the Creator of the universe. 


But that's not even the best part. The last part says,"...on whom his favor rests." That's so hard for me to wrap my head around. It's so easy to pick out faults in ourselves, or have our faults picked out on others but God who has EVERY reason to condemn us, for He is perfect, only loves us. Wholly, completely, fully unconditionally loves us. No matter what we do, no matter what we say, no matter what we think or how many times we are greedy or how many times we forget about Him. His favor rests on us, of all beings. On us who are so prideful that we forget about all the people on this earth that won't even have presents on this Christmas or, most importantly, know of the TRUE gift that God has given us. I know at least for me that I haven't gone out of my way this Christmas season, of all seasons, to let God through me show someone the truly amazing gift he's given us of love and salvation. 


By being going over all the things I'm thankful for each day, God's glory is revealed to me more and more. Glory to God in the highest. I hope that first, we can be willing today to have God come to change our hearts so we can have a thankful and humble heart that is ready to share, through God's spirit, the amazing gift he's given us in his Son who will save us all from eternal separation from the one who loves us despite anything we could ever do to turn away from him. That is such a wonderful gift.


So today, I'm thankful for many things. I'm thankful that I woke up early so I could get a lot out of my day. I'm thankful that I have a space heater in my room and plenty of blankets so I don't get cold, and for a family that's awake and bustling around downstairs, and that I'm fortunate enough to have a Bible sitting next to me so I can try to understand how to demonstrate God's love and learn of how amazing He really is, thankful to have a laptop that I can be typing on about all this. Most of all, I'm thankful for the incredible gift. That while we were still sinners, God sent his Son for US. Us who are sooo undeserving and selfish and don't even appreciate it most of the time. I hope that we can not only be grateful for all the blessings God has given us but also that our joy would spread so that everyone may know of the most important gift this christmas. 

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." John 14:27


"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23



"No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:37

For my Ladies

To all my ladies, my wonderful, beautiful chaplain of my sorority shared this with our bible study a couple of months ago and I thought I should share as well! Keep this with you always to remember how much God loves you, no matter the circumstance.


I made her, She is different. She is unique.
With love I formed her in her mother's womb.
I fashioned her with great joy.
I remember, with great pleasure, the day I created her.
(Psalm 139:13-16)
I love her smile, I love her ways.
I love to hear her laugh.
And the silly things she says and does. She bring me great pleasure.
This is how I made her.
(Psalm 139:17, Zephaniah 3:17)
I made her pretty and not beautiful,
Because I knew her heart, and she would be vain
I wanted her to search out her heart, and to learn that it would be
Me in her that would make her beautiful
And that it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.
(1 Peter 3:3-5)
I made her in such a way, that she would need Me.
I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be
Only because I need for her to learn and depend on me.
I know her heart, I know if I had not made her like this, 
She would go her own chosen way and forget about Me, her creator.
(Psalm 62:5-8)
I have given her many good and happy things 
Because I love her.
(Psalm 84:11, Romans 8:23, 37-39)
Because I love her,
I have seen her broken heart, and the tears she cried alone.
I have cried with her, and had a broken heart too.
(Psalm 56:8, Psalm 34:18)
Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone
Only because she would not hold my hand.
So many lessons she's learned the hard way.
Because she would not listen to my voice.
(Isaiah 53:6)
So many times I have sat back
And sadly watched her go her merry way alone.
Only to watch her return to my arms, sad and broken.
(Luke 15:7)
And now she is mine again.
I made her, and then I bought her because I love her.
(Romans 5:8)
I have to reshape her and remold her 
to renew her to what I had planned for her to be.
It has not been easy for her or for Me.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
I want her to be conformed to My image.
This is the high goal I have set for her,
Because I love her.
(2 Corinthians 2:14)


The more willing we are to let God take control, the more able He is to mold you into every wonderful, good intention he had for you. Walking with the Lord is always harder, and always more worthwhile. Ladies, we need to be holding His hand and let him lead us away from our own knowledge so we can receive the amazing plans he has for our lives. Hope you all are have a fantastic weekend!